The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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