I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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