I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
