I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
