No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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