where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
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Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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