Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
