I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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