he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize