Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
