maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
