Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude i'm inner monologue high
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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