my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
