I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
