I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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