Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
