my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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