I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
