it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
