'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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