I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
