there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
