I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
