I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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