OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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