I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you inspire me to be a worse person
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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