I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
