ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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