You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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