She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
