Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
