I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
