White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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