i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
