I accidentally had phone sex last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My vagina is very pro this idea
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