Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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