I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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