So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This is the prime rib incident all over again
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
