yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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