Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
