He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
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