Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
