It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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