1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
