I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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