Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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