dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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