my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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