just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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