i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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