I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
