It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
