I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
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Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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