But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
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on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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