I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
