its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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