thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
only you would photoshop your dick
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
