if you like me you must not know who I am
Apparently you make a good broom.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize