Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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