so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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