mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
