I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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