Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
