you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
