i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You ruined the universe
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
