Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
