I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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