I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
