I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
