I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
