You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
