We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
